“Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.” He said to them, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.”

Luke 2:41-51 (NRSV)


In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz states that we have made thousands of agreements with ourselves, other people, God, our parents, children, society and others. Many of these agreements make us suffer and fail in life. He suggests that if we want to live a life of joy and fulfilment, we have to find the courage to break those agreements and claim our personal power. He offers four new agreements for us to change our entire system of old agreements.


Don’t Make Assumptions is the 3rd of The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz suggests that we make with ourselves and others. This 3rd Agreement, alone, can transform our lives if we make it a habit
to courageously ask questions when we are unclear, never assuming that we know all there is to know about a given situation. It will also heal our world and allow our children to blossom into the awesome beings they are meant to be.


Assumption (From

The act of assuming or taking for granted; a statement that is assumed to be true and from which a conclusion can be drawn.


1. We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. (pg 63) In doing so, we create pain, sadness, drama and suffering.

a. Assumptions – Relationships

i. My friends know what I want. I don’t have to say it.
ii. My friends will do what I want. They know me well.

b. Assumptions – Marriage

i. My partner sees marriage as I do.
ii. My love for my partner will change what I don’t like about him/her.

c. Assumptions – Self

i. I can’t be myself because others won’t like me.
ii. I reject myself so I am rejected by others.

2. To live true to the 3rd Agreement we must develop the courage to ask questions, stop believing that we, alone, have all the right answers, and stop defending our assumptions.

a. We make all kinds of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions. (page 68)
b. If you don’t understand something, it is better to ask and be clear instead of assuming. (page 72)
c. When you stop making assumptions your communication will be clean and clear and free of emotional poison…[and] your word becomes impeccable. (page 72)

3. Good, clear communication with impeccability of the word would resolve all human problems. (page 73)

a. Ask questions until you gain clarity but never assume you know everything about a given situation.
b. Communicate clearly.
c. Find your voice to ask for what you want.
d. Understand that you have the right to ask and they have the right to say, ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and vice versa.
e. Take action on this information. Your repeated action will form a new habit and routine and will be life-changing for you.

4. Like Mary and Joseph, parents are to guide their children, instilling within them through their own life example, morals and values. However, like Mary and Joseph, parents must not assume that they know God’s plan for their child. Pray for God’s plan to come alive as your child. Never assume that you know the totality of God’s plan.’



“We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the Truth.”
Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements, page 63